Superman vs Batman
by Leigh Spence
Summary: The Justice Bros. tackle an age old debate. Who is the better superhero: Superman or Batman?


Author's Notes: Just for fun. Something I came up with while horribly bored at work one day. Almost entirely dialogue. Also, I toss in a bit of Chlois at the end. If that's not your cup of tea then don't read it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville, DC Comics, or any thing else really. I make no monetary gain from this story.

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"The question is who is more badass? Superman or The Batman?"

"I can't believe you're having this conversation while I'm here."

"You don't have to be here, you know. So either sit down and shut up or leave."

"Fine, but this is a stupid debate."

"Your objections have been noted. So, Bart, you first. Superman or Batman?"

"Superman, obviously."

"Thank you, Bart."

"No problem, buddy. You changed the Earth's rotation. That's badass."

"Moving on. Victor?"

"Batman. No question."

"This is what I get for helping you out all those years ago?"

"Loyalty has no place in this debate, man. Batman is just more badass. He has the Bat mobile. He is badass without the aid of powers. And tell me you wouldn't be scared about meeting him in a dark alley."

"Hey," Clark yelped, "the bad guys are afraid of me, too!"

"They're afraid of you because they know that you can squish them like a tin can. That doesn't make you badass that just makes your _powers_ badass. Then there's the issue of your uniform. Batman's is badass. Yours is not."

"That's not my fault. My mom made it for me."

"Thus proving my point."

"Ok, A.C.?"

"Superman. Definitely. You shoot laser beams from your eyes. That's cool and badass."

"Dude, he also wears his underwear on the outside."

"Whatever, Cyborg. Laser. Beams. From his eyes. Not even you can do that."

"Yeah, well, fish boy, all you can do is swim. It's not like you're exactly badass."

"Gentlemen, we're getting off track. I believe it's my turn. After me, of course, Batman is the bigger badass. Obviously."

"Oh, obviously," Clark mumbled.

"I thought I told you to stay quiet."

"Hmph."

"So that's 2 for Batman and 2 for Superman. A tie. You know what we have to do. Bart, dial the phone."

"Your wish is my command, master."

"Just dial."

The woman on the other end of the line shot a frustrated glance at the ringing phone. "Daily Planet. Lois Lane and this better be important. Life and death important."

"Oh it is definitely important, Watchtower," drawled the voice on the other end of the line.

"Ollie what do you want? And stop using that name. I haven't been Watchtower in years."

"We need you to settle something for us," Bart interjected before they could enter into an old debate, "the fate of the Justice League lies in the balance."

"Stop being melodramatic, Bart."

"Well, it's still important. We need you to tell us who is more badass: Superman or Batman. We're tied 2 to 2."

"Oh, then for matters of such importance I can certainly take time out of my busy schedule," Chloe sarcastically replied.

"Come on, Chloe, just answer the question."

"Fine. Batman is definitely more badass. Are we done now?"

Chloe heard a decidedly unbadass yelp in the background followed by laughter as A.C. shouted, "Burned! By your _own_ wife. That is cold."

"Soon to be former wife, you mean."

"Come on, Clark, don't sulk. I'm a reporter. I'm supposed to tell the truth."

"I am not sulking," Clark huffed. "I just expected some loyalty from the person I married."

"Ollie, is he sulking?"

"He does appear to be sulking, yes."

"How did you know she would side with you, anyway? Common sense would dictate that my wife would pick me. How'd you know she'd turn out to be such a Benedict Arnold?"

Chloe rolled her eyes, "Clark, I'm not a Benedict Arnold. Batman is just inherently badass and you are inherently a small town farmboy who just happens to have awesome powers."

"Besides," Ollie asked, "who do you think started the debate in the first place with her assertion that Batman was more badass, Clark?"

"Chloe!"

Chloe sighed, "I'll see you at home, Clark. Whenever you stop wasting time with the guys, that is."

"I wanted no part of this debate, Chloe."

"You could've left, ya know. In fact, we encouraged it."

"I had to stay to make sure you didn't cast aspersions on my character."

Ollie let out a laugh, "'Cast aspersions'? Chloe, did you buy him a word a day calendar?"

"Shut up."

"Well, boys, as much fun as this conversation is some of us have work to do. And Clark? Stop sulking." Chloe grinned and heard laughter on the other end before she hung up.

She really did have work to do. They just didn't have to know that work involved creating a mock front page article with the headline "Batman More Badass Than Superman" to be placed on her husband's pillow. Maybe next time he tried to claim he was the better writer he'd think twice.


End file.
